thornsilver: (Default)
Yesterday I had to go to the psychiatrist after work, but it was storming pretty hard, so I called in to re-schedule. Of course now, I am about to run out of Latuda, so I have to call the office so that they sent in the prescription, and I will have to pay for it. (The doctor gives me samples, because my co-pay for that medication is ridiculously high.) Well, we all do what we gotta do.

I have a lot of filing to do at work, and absolutely no desire to walk around or to stand. My feet have been complaining. These particular sandals are better that others, but they are still not completely comfortable, but if I wear sneakers in this humid heat, I will melt and flow away.

I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work.

I had trouble falling asleep yesterday, so I had less sleep than usual and I am grumpy about that too.

Why is life not all happiness and rainbows, I ask you?
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My co-worker has a radio on. A radio, as radio does, plays the same fucking song over and over again. I could have suffered this fucking song from time to time. Having to listen to it all day every day is fucking cruel and unusual.

I suspect that her radio is going to suffer an accident as soon as I can manage it.
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thornsilver: (Default)
Haven't washed my hair yesterday either. Sheesh. I just have no can this week at all. Whatsoever.

Also, no can in work, a fact not helped by the part where one day of my work have disappeared in the aether, and the accounting system keeps malfunctioning.

I am about to finish "March" by Brooke. Either the book turned less annoying, or my toleration is up. I still don't like any of the white people in that book, but at least I am not fantasizing about suffocating them with a pillow.

Usually I begin to feel warm as soon as I eat. Apparently not today. I still feel icy and my head is trying to hurt.

I don't want to work. It's all stupid and pointless and annoying.
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thornsilver: (Default)
I was pulling out a Diet Coke can out of a six pack and the plastic webbing OPENED THE CAN WHERE SIDE CRIMPING IS. Because of course.

On the plus side, I had two cups of Diet Coke for breakfast?
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thornsilver: (Default)
On Monday found out that my library closes for 6 weeks for roof renovation. I have been there Monday before last and there was no notice. I still have 3 library books. There are round about ways I can return them, but it would have been much better to have warning.

Yesterday D. (dad's friend) was taking us home after work and decided to buy something from Modell's. They went out and I stayed in the car. It turns out he parked on the wrong parking lot. As soon as they stepped away (and I do fully mean "as soon as") a tow track towed the car away with me inside. After D. got his car back from the pound, we were driving past that parking lot again, and the tow track has been dragging another car. I could have been more than 15 minutes since it took mine. Looks like the tow truck is just sitting there on the parking lot waiting. D. had to pay $136. I guess it is a nice racket if you get it?

When I got home I was taking the earrings out, and one of the earring backs took a dive out of my fingers and disappeared. So I need to get new earring backs now. All my supply of extras is exhausted.

Today it is raining. Again.

I hate life, people.
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I live in a co-op which I own jointly with my mother. She is actually only on the ownership papers because I could not get a mortgage with my income when I was buying it, despite being able to pay it just fine, so I am trying to figure out if I can write her off the lease. Of course I have to get an approval from the co-op board first. I am worried that they will not let me do it, because my income is so low, even though I have never missed a payment. All of this is moot, because I seem to be unable to GET IN TOUCH with the fucking board so that I can attempt to jump this hoop. *sigh* Why does life have to be like that, I ask you?

Must remember to call my endocrinologist's office. He took my blood for testing, so he did not give me a refill on my thyroid med right away. I called on Wednesday, but the results were not ready yet. Thursday he was out. I must, must, must call today, or I will be out of medication. Of course my memory is not what I used to be.

Mother is trying to get Part B Medicare. My parents don't seem to be able to decide which one to pick. It's not like I can help.

Cat is being a cat.
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A big chunk of work I've done yesterday has disappeared, so I am re-doing it. I spent about 10 minutes trying to explain to co-worker that my problem with the printout is that the lines are too small, so if I write something out freehand it will not line up, but apparently that is not an issue, so whatever. I mean, I am being careful, but she is the one who would have to make sure that the right thing goes the right way, because I don't care at this point.

Also, my head hurts.
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thornsilver: (Default)
Well, I think the baking soda worked on the drain. But something still smells. I have investigated the whole fucking kitchen, and found bupkus. Just the smell hanging around like an evil cloud.

Today it is coldish in NYC again. Good thing I double checked the weather before toddling out for work.

Finally succeeded in taking a shower yesterday. (Don't ask. Showers were difficult this week.)

Mom's leg is doing better, thankfully. But she missed the nice days she could go outside. :(

On my way to work two people tried to ask me for money.

I have been reading "Wicca: A Guide for Solitary Practitioner" again. I read a passage about something good coming out of something bad every time. I think that something good that is coming out of current US administration, all the people who decided to get involved to fix this problem.
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Transferring flist is moving apace. Actually it is moving much faster than I thought it wood, since a lot of LJ's that are on my follow list are dead.

Today got a letter from my neighbor very politely asking that I turn down my TV at night. I am very confused, since I only turn the TV on weekend afternoons to watch DVDs. I wrote her a letter back saying that it was not me. I hope I was sufficiently polite.

My apartment is actually cleanish lately. That is mildly disturbing.

Mother considered working 2 days per week after she retired. But, apparently, the job is way too stressful for her, so she decided to not continue. I am all for it, but I am sad since it's just another indication that time flies and my mom is getting old.

Cat is being very clingy, even though he still won't sit on my lap. He will, however, walk on my lap in order to find a seat beside me.
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thornsilver: (kitty tastes the rainbow)
I am at work. I did not miss it. Wonder why that was?

Have done pretty much nothing during the weekend. Handwashed two pairs of underwear, put four pairs in a bowl to soak, and had a shower. And that is it for anything useful.

My main book currently is still "Rise". I guess really like the novelettes that are SF zombie, and then I am really freaked out by the ones that are horror zombie.

Started re-watching "Spirited Away". I have forgotten how creepy the scene where the darkness falls is.

Played a fair amount of "Pokemon X". Yes, I still did not finish that game. After all the years it's been out. But I am on the Victory Road now. (Still wondering around in the cave though.)

Dad actually brought his laptop to the company IT guys to be fixed without involving me. That is very weird, but one thing less for me to worry about. Now, cross my fingers that they are going to fix it.

I had made vet's appointment for Shawn. That is not going to be a fun thing to do for me, and I am still terrified that he will find a way to escape somehow. *sigh* Why is everything so difficult and stressful?
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thornsilver: (kitty tastes the rainbow)
The weather is ridiculous today. I legit thought I will have to stop partway to work from the subway station to cool down a bit. The humid air felt like it congealed in my lungs.

Hope kitty is OK at home. (Cat are actually pretty heat resistant, and can actually deal with up to 120F with no problem, but still.)
thornsilver: (Sanny Butterfly David)
And today I will have to do some more schlepping in the heat. There is a work meeting that I have to walk to a different location for, and then I have the therapy which I have to walk back after for. And I have to have full length jeans on, no helping that either. *sigh*

Yesterday, the car of the guy who gives us a ride would not start. The guy from the car lot nearby gave him a boost and the consensus seems to be that his battery is dead. (I don't know enough about cars to comment on this in any way.) So we still got our ride, except without the air conditioner. On one hand: ride in a car. On the other hand: without air conditioner in a car that spent some time in the sun beforehand. Ergh.

Work is continuing to be fun with not having cash on hand to pay bills. (We are expecting payments from government, but they have not been released yet.) I am the point person on that, which means I get to lie to some vendors and explain to a bunch of people why their check requests are not filled.

I just want to be home. Under air conditioner. With my cat. (Even if he insists on complaining about the world and everything in it.)
Jun. 2nd, 2016 09:04 am

Keenex

thornsilver: (cat matters with tea cup)
I have worn new sandals on Tuesday. As you may imagine it was a mistake. The sandals are mostly made of straps. Forgive me for thinking that any new shoe injuries would be minor. A-ha-ha-ha! *sobs* I kind of thought that it was just tight instead of forming a blister (it just did not hurt like a blister does) and hobbled around all day on it. And then I came home and found out that about 1 cm by 1 cm bit of skin was missing from the top of my foot under the strap. Dammit.

Reading a sci-fi novel written in 1993 and featuring 2015. A lot of the stuff is off, of course. But some of the computer/internet things are surprisingly on, even if terminology is different.

Has barely forced myself to get my ass to work today. *Really* wanted to go back to sleep and say "fuck it!", even though I woke up by myself 5 minutes before the alarm and completely coherent.

Cat's been annoying me lately by being very loud. The weird part, I cannot figure out if he is really louder than he used to be, or if I am more easily irritable.

Every day on my way home from work my dad and I are given a lift by my father's friend. Every day I am trapped in a car for 40 minutes with two old guys who think that Trump is the only acceptable presidential candidate, because Hillary and Bernie are too old. That is not the only thing they talk about that makes me want to pull my hair out, but the rest of the sexist/racist/Islamophobic shit at least has some kind of logic behind it. This one stumps me. (Dad's friend is black. That does not stop him from being racist. I give up on life.)
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thornsilver: (kitty tastes the rainbow)
On the other hand, this particular book has people starting to explore/settle on Mars, at which point they promptly start killing each other. Hint: it's really easy to horribly murder people when they need life support to live. I had to stop and go to listening to music instead because I was getting nauseous, and it did not help my constant desire to die rather to deal with any of anything. Ever.

Oh, and crying. I've doing a lot of crying lately. What should I lie to my co-workers when someone asks why I am crying? And they will, because this is a kind of office where everyone is in everyone else's business. (Of course I am crying because depression, and also PMS on top of that, but somehow I don't feel like "because I am crazypants" is a wise response in this case.)
thornsilver: (cat matters with tea cup)
But I suppose perhaps somewhat better? I have no mental energy for anything, regardless. Coming home means feeding the cat, feeding me and then either coloring or Pokemon White until I go to bed. Anything that makes noise (like, say movies/tv) or anything that requires any involvement whatsoever like books, or fanfic, is totally out of the question. I am not even mentioning internet socialization here. Meanwhile, I have been using Duolingo in the the morning at work. (I get in about 15 minutes early.)Current verdict: I like it.

Yesterday was a bit of a hyper day, so I managed a number of chores that meant running around like crazy. (Good thing the weather was nice.) It ended with my visiting my parents, at which point my steam run out and I did my best to fall asleep on their couch and barely made it back home around sixish. Also, met my cousin Z on the street. I knew she lives in the neighborhood, but, given blah relations between my parents and her parents, we did not really interacted at all. My depression and the fact that I find human interaction extremely draining did not help. I can't remember if the last time I've seen her was when we just came to US, of if she was there at grandmother's funeral. We made a tentative appointment to meet up for a cup of coffee, providing I text her. I don't really want to, because my social scale is over the limit already, but perhaps I need to do it. She is 9 years older than I am, and, much like me, has not immediate family except for her parents. Lonely weirdos stick together? It is just that I am not feeling all that well, in addition to everything. Both my sinuses and my stomach are bothering me today.

I had a lot of trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I actually want to be back in it pretty badly, but there are Things I Must Do, and I cannot possibly do them on work days.
Oct. 9th, 2015 11:21 pm

Insurgent

thornsilver: (fall pumkins)
And it is fucking hot and humid again. It's 1/3 into fucking October. I vote that anyone who questions climate change can legally be hit with a rotten trout. Ahem.

I have gotten a bit of my motivation back by the second half of the day. (The nausea and the body weirdness that the new antidepressant causes are still... really really noticeable.) So, I've gotten my big girl panties on and went to the mall to buy a pair of winter boots (last winter was so not fun without them) and a pair of jeans (because I currently have no pants I can fit in, beyond a pair of yoga pants and the pants from my pants suit.) I did not actually try the jeans on at the store. I was completely out of spoons.

Also, I have finished the "Odd" series by Dean Koontz. The mysteries are actually OK, but I just can't deal with him changing the rules of supernatural all the time. Also, the ending was very much WTF.
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thornsilver: (fall pumkins)
1. Headache. Also low back ache. Which may or may not segue into:

2. Period started today. It's a day early and I am already bleeding... profusely, lets go with that. *sigh*

3. Still can't work up any fucks about anything. Have to see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I don't want to go there. I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to dress. I seriously doubt I can get myself to shower.

4. On the other hand, the library is in the same direction, so I can drop off my books and pick up the one book that has arrived.

5. The Bakery is also in that direction. So, perhaps cheesecake? And the tasty tasty pastries whose name I cannot remember right now.

6. Allergies.

7. Apparently doing a lot of coloring with pencils can cause your wrist to hurt. Because I like coloring things, obviously.
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thornsilver: (Default)
I strongly suspect that my biggest mistake, as ever, is getting out of bed in the morning.

Mood is pretty dismal, though I actually like the cold and rainy weather better than the ridiculous heat, at least as long as I get to stay home on the couch.

I spent today reading, because that is the most I could get fucked to do. Anything productive was completely out, and my heard hurt any time even the idea of TV came up.

On the plus side, I finished all of my fiction library books, except the one about Witch and Wardrobe. It's a classic, and I cannot remember what it's called. Or feel like looking up. You probably know what I am talking about, though. It has White Witch, The Lion, and Narnia.

I really wish some of the fic authors I stalk posts a fic soon. I could really use a good new fic right now.

Cat has decided that the cold means that he needs to stay on the same couch as me, instead of gazing upon me from the back of the love seat, or from the computer chair. Cats are weird. The bad thing is, I think he is losing weight. He is still doing everything else the same way as usual, and he actually lost weight several times before and gained it right back without anything medical the vet could find, and no behavioral changes at all. Still, I have neither money nor spoons to deal with him getting sick, so I hope that he remains his grumpy self.
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thornsilver: (cat matters with tea cup)
probably cannot be changed by any action from me. Except, weirdly, the loss of my teddy bear Mishka. If only I checked all the boxes. If only I contacted everybody immediately. If only...

Today have done some back strengthening exercises, but nothing else for absolutely no reason that I can name. Except headache. Oh, and the attack of nausea when I even thought about perusing Indeed.com.

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